My Story

To be completely honest, eating healthy & staying fit haven’t always been interests of mine. In fact, they were once things I laughed at.

See, when I was little, I was a pretty chubby little kid; happy, but chubby. I played soccer and all other kinds of sports, but I loved to eat, and I loved to eat unhealthy things. When I was 5, my parents separated and I sort of had no guide as to how to eat healthily. When my older brother [by 8 years] would babysit me, we would play video games and eat junk food [haha <3]. I mean shoot, we used to have contests who could eat more slices of pizza! My parents always tried to provide nutritional meals, but I would always find ways to have unhealthy snacks & sweets.

I put on weight fast. By the time I was 12, I weighed 200 pounds at the height of 5’8. It may not seem gargantuan, but I got teased relentlessly for it. Kids in middle school say some harsh things. :/ At some point, I developed a serious condition of counting OCD from all the stress my brain was under; the stress lead me to count my actions & such as an odd calming mechanism & it flourished into full-tilt OCD. Around that age also, my parents got back together [yay!] & my mum signed me up for a gym membership & a personal trainer. By 8th grade, I lost about 30 pounds. Once high school started up, though, I stopped working out but didn’t turn as heavily to snacking. On top of that, I started hanging out with people who made some bad decisions. I never got into anything bad, mind you, but being around the people didn’t do much for my self esteem.

Sophomore year is when I became obsessed. All the time I spent looking at fashion online and in magazines, the pictures of the models sort of became a “thinspo” trigger [thank goodness they don’t have that same effect anymore!]. I’d started eating healthy on my own and the weight started to come off on its own. I got down to 130 lbs over the course of the year and part of the summer between freshman and sophomore year. It wasn’t enough. I started obsessing over every calorie and tailoring my eating habits to exclude more and more foods. It got to where I wouldn’t eat anything over 400 calories or 10g fat. I was eating 900-1100 calories a day MAX.

I was SO happy when I got down to 118 lbs, I looked as thin as those supermodels!, but I didn’t realize that I looked frail – I still thought I could stand to lose about 10 pounds. Other people were talking behind my back that I looked like a skeleton. Nasty rumors started flaring up that I was anorexic. :[ Even my family voiced their concerns. I hadn’t seen anything wrong with it until I really looked in the mirror. Oh my gosh. Everyone’s right; I can see my ribs, my collarbones, my hipbones…This isn’t good.

So! I made the decision to gain muscle weight and start enjoying food again, but still eating super healthy. It’s a struggle, but I’m starting to try & re-incorporate my “fear foods” [like nut butters & pasta] into my diet. Thus, I’ve started going to the gym on a super regular basis & taken to trying new recipes and foods to amp up every aspect of a healthy diet. :] Now, if I could only kick my OCD in the butt, all would be well! But, one step at a time, right? 😀

Here’s also where I shout out a BIG “Thank you!” to my supportive family & friends. I couldn’t make this trek without them. ❤

& remember not to let anyone tell you differently!

One Response to “My Story”

  1. Two Steps One Step March 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    Such an inspirational story. You should be extremely proud of yourself and good for you for not being afraid to put on a little muscle. More girls need to think the way you do!

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